I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
