found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
