I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
