we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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