Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
