i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
