I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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