Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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