it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
