If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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