Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
