If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
