my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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