I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
