i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
