I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
