Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
