I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
