why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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