My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
