I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
