Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
