Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
