o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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