i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
