your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
