I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dear god my vagina.
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