You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
