i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
