i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
