I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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