Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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