Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
