I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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