I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
