I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
