i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dick very happy bro
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
