I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
