we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
