what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
