WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
