If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
