somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
