I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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