so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
