I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
