I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
