Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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