Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
