walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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