I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
