Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
