My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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