the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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